As Saint Valentine’s Day approaches, every individual begins to contemplate about means to display his/her romantic notions toward their significant others. Most men perceive the event as just another opportunity for ladies to criticize them for their lack of romanticism while women are looking forward to have the chance to be assured of the eternal love of their partners.

Men complain about the fact that regardless of the significance of their gifts to their ladies, they are never satisfied because other female friends get more expensive or more extravagant present, from their boyfriends or husbands, than theirs. Did Saint Valentine, the symbolism of romance turn into a competition in which the individual who is the most capable financially will win it? What did happen to us? Did we become so greedy to ignore the significance of the romantic gesture regardless of its materialistic value? Don’t we believe anymore in the adage that states: “The thought that counts”? Do we evaluate the depth of our significant others’ love with the monetary value of their gestures?

Whom should we blame for turning an event, during which we should focus on permitting our romantic notions to be displayed freely, into a commercial occasion where merchants vie for our money?

Asking ladies about their preference pertinent to receiving tokens of appreciation from their men on Valentine day, most expressed the desire to hear the magical words “I love you”. However, the majority of women agreed that if men are too timid to utter those words, they should pay a hefty price by buying extravagant gifts for them. Most of them preferred to receive a bouquet of flowers with an attached poem written by the gentleman himself. Some ladies expressed that they despise receiving a card written by someone else and just signed by the boyfriend or the husband. Few were adamant that the men should spend time on finding an appropriate means to express their love for their ladies. Something such as a photo album containing all their photos together with comments from the gentleman about each photo in the album would be a wonderful way to display one’s love for one’s lady. Some ladies who like chocolate would love to receive a box of their favorite chocolate.

On romantic occasions such as Saint Valentine day, I often wonder about if romance is a sentiment or it is a concept that we are conditioned to believe in and bow to the urge to apply it in our lives. I posed the question to men and women of a diverse age groups and backgrounds. The majority of women were inclined to believe that it is a sentiment that not all individuals possess it while most men perceived it as a concept that we are conditioned by the media to believe in and attempt to apply in our relationships with the opposite gender.

Regardless of your views pertinent to romance, you should attempt to condition yourself to go with the flow by displaying your romantic notions toward the lady in your life with an original gesture to achieve a harmonious coexistence with her. Otherwise, you will be the target of her wrath of anger for being insensitive to her romantic needs.

As for you ladies, please, attempt to be graceful in accepting your men’s gifts regardless of their monetary values or originalities. Accomplishing that task will encourage the men in your lives to continue with the tradition. Otherwise, they may believe that it would be useless to try to fulfill your romantic notions with some symbolic token of love. They could justify their negligence by the fact that they attempted and their gestures were not appreciated by their significant others.

The word romance is associated with the notion of being vulnerable in men's minds. They are conditioned to perceive being romantic as being feminine or being a wimp. Even the meaning of the word romance is confusing to men in general.

I took upon myself the task of asking the men whom I encountered in my daily life about their perceptions and definitions of the word romance and discovered that there was no distinct consensus to the concept of romance among men. Some told me that having a quickie in the spur of the moment is romantic. Others perceive it as a word created by women to get back at men for all those years of oppression that they went through at the hands of men. One individual contemplated for a moment and then he told me that romance signifies making women feeling good at the expense of making men uncertain about their identities. I could not believe my ears hearing an individual telling me, that he perceived romance as a group of lies that men say to get women into bed. One man came close to the general comprehension of romance by perceiving it as an attempt to court the lady in one’s life to entice her to be his wife or girlfriend. The final conclusion that I draw from my discussion with men was that they are ignorant about romance as they are about every aspect of a relationship. Watching football all afternoon means being romantic to most men. Men feel that allowing the ladies in their lives the pleasure of being their waitresses, are the ultimate romantic notions. Their women should make sure that you have enough snacks and drinks so the lazy bums wouldn't get their asses up and go to the fridge to get their own drinks and snacks for fear that they may miss few seconds of the game. Going hunting or playing ball with a group of misfits while leaving their ladies keeping the castles clean and tidy for the return of their kings from their trips, is considered romantic by some men. Cooking and cleaning after a hard day at work while the bums sitting watching television without any consideration of offering their help to their ladies, is seen in some distorted minds of men as being romantic. Spending thousands of dollars to buy bowling or golfing equipments while being absolutely stingy when it comes to buying a bouquet of flowers for a special occasion for the ladies in their lives, is conceived in some klutz of men as being romantic. Forgetting the ladies birthdays and anniversaries among other important occasions implies in the men zucchini brains as being romantic. No wonder, women have the justified notion that men are not romantic.

I perceive romance as attempting even the impossible to instigate within the lady in one’s life the secure feeling of being appreciated for enriching one’s life. A single rose on a weekly basis with a tender note attached to it stating that one feels extremely fortunate to have her in one's life. Hugs, touches and kisses given in abundance are simple ways to show appreciation toward one’s lady. A telephone call in the middle of the day to her work with a joke or a simple indication of having her in one’s thoughts would help brighten up her day and make it bearable. Leaving work early and waiting for her in front of her work with a suggestion to take her to dinner and a movie would initiate within her the feeling of being loved and appreciated. Going home early and preparing a candle lit dinner and creating anticipation by putting a note at the door inviting her to enter and not to be afraid. When she opens the door, another note is waiting for her telling her that she is close and should follow the direction written in the note which will lead her to a table with dinner and candle for two. The man dressed elegantly waiting to seat her. Seeing you taking the time and exerting the effort to create this wonderful surprise for her would transfer her and her prince, you, to the paradise of love.

Women whom I encountered expressed their perceptions of romance in a manner that one can draw a common conclusion. The majority of women to whom I posed the question concerning their definitions and their perceptions of romance indicated that they wish to be appreciated, made feel wonderful about their feminine and mental assets and not be taken for granted. Some implied that being given flowers from time to time is conceived as being romantic. Preparing a candle lit dinners for two is perceived as being romantic. Buying an expensive gift and wrapping it nicely to present it to one’s lady would be considered romantic. Walking hand in hand while absorbing the beauty of nature is another manner in which a man can display his romanticism. The problems pertinent to the question of being romantic or not are originated from the variance of the perception of what would be considered romantic among the man and the woman in a relationship.

It is very common that you encounter couples with views concerning romance as far apart as the sky and earth. One must be honest and talk about every aspect of a relationship, including romance upon meeting for the first time and continue the discussion of their expectations from one another concerning being romantic, if the circumstances arise and they become a couple. The apprehension of discussing these issues for the fear of scaring one off, will lead to a disastrous relationship in which the woman, the man or both lack fulfillment of their romantic notions. We are conditioned to be too cautious and afraid to open up which leads to being imprisoned within walls of fear and caution. We wait for the right time, in our conditioned minds to talk freely and when that time arrives for opening up, it is too late because one is too involved to risk it all by opening up. Another factor that leads to the disappointment from the women, men or both sides concerning the fulfillment of the romantic notions within them is the pretension of being romantic that is assumed by the man or the woman to entice the other during the span of their courtship. Both the man and the woman should be completely truthful and be themselves from day one to avoid the heartaches that would result from falling in love with the person the other pretending to be.

1. Keep it simple. "He said" and "She said" will usually do. Your reader is trained to accept this repetition.

2. Forget you ever heard of strong verbs. Skip the "He yelped" and the "She sighed." They slow your dialogue down. If you feel need them, look at the words—the actual dialogue— your character used when he was yelping. Maybe it doesn't reflect the way someone would sound if he yelped. Maybe if you strengthen the dialogue, you can ditch the overblown tag.

3. When you can, reveal who is saying something by the voice or tone of the dialogue. That way you may be able to skip tags occasionally, especially when you have only two people speaking to one another. Your dialogue will ring truer, too.

4. Avoid having characters use other characters' names. In real life, we don't use people's names in our speech much. We tend to reserve using names for when we're angry or disapproving or we just met in a room full of people and we're practicing out social skills. Having a character direct her speech to one character or another by using her name is a lazy writer's way of directing dialogue and it will annoy the reader. When a reader is annoyed, she will not be immersed in the story you are trying to tell.

5. Avoid putting internal dialogue in italics. Trust your reader. She will know who is thinking the words from the point of view of the narrative.

6. Be cautious about using dialogue to tell something that should be shown. It doesn't help much to transfer telling from the narrator to the dialogue. It just makes the character who is speaking sound long winded. Putting quotation marks around exposition won't draw the reader into the scene or involve him more than if you'd left it part of the narrative.

7. And magic number seven is, don't break up dialogue sequences with long or overly frequent blocks of narrative. One of dialogue's greatest advantages is that it moves a story along. If a writer inserts too much stage direction, it will lose the forward motion and any tension it is building.

For more on writing dialogue check out Tom Chiarella's Writing Dialogue (Writers' Digest) and for more on editing in general—from editing query letters to turning unattractive adverbs into metaphoric gold—find The Frugal Editor: Put Your Best Book Forward to Avoid Humiliation and Ensure Success on Amazon.

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Carolyn Howard-Johnson is an instructor for the UCLA Extension Writer's Program. The first book in her HowToDoItFrugally Series of books, The Frugal Book Promoter, won USA Book News' Best Professional Book Award and Book Publicists of Southern California's Irwin Award. The second, The Frugal Editor, is also a USA Book News winner. It includes many editing tips on dialogue, the use of quotation marks and more. She is also the author of The Great First Impression Book Proposal, a 49 cent Short from Amazon. Learn more at www.howtodoitfrugally.com .

Carolyn has placed on her site a group of articles you can access for free with writing and editing "Tips and Tricks" to help you become a better writer, and self-editor. You can find it under Free Articles 4 Authors, Editors on her site.

My interest in writing came about simply enough; I was reading a series of books and I became fed up with them. I just pulled out a notebook and said I could write one better. That’s it. I never dreamed of being a writer and truth be told, for ten of the twelve years since that fateful day, I was a closet writer. No one read any of my stories; very few even knew that was how I spent my spare time.

I love history and they range from ancient Egypt to modern day. They range in genre from western, mystery, suspense, spies, a few romances pop up even; you get the idea. Then three years ago, my husband said you spend so much time writing you should try to get them published. This from a man I hadn’t let read anything in four or five years and just like that, I did. One of the first pieces I sent out was accepted within weeks. This is going to be easy I thought. I was wrong of course. I had one other piece that fit their guidelines so I sent it in. Not quite as quickly as the first, I got a letter saying the publisher had died and the publication was closing. Come to think of it, has that happened twice.

Why am I giving you a background? Well, it’s a lead up to saying I’m published. I have ISBN numbers, book covers, everything an author needs, except a pallet of books sitting in a warehouse. That’s the whole point of the essay. Most people when they think of the publishing world imagine large New York publishing firms putting out big titles; Harry Potter, John Grisham, you know the names everyone has heard. Then there’s the literary side of small college magazines with little budget, tiny publishers that put out a book a year. They’re the prestige side of it.

Whatever literary actually means, I’m not it. I tell a story, that’s all I claim. What’s a girl to do with forty plus stories and novellas in a world that wants blockbuster novels and short literary pieces? Then I saw one market that sounded promising. Diskus Publishing takes short stories 1,500 to 15,000 words for something they call Quick Picks, quick reads for if you haven’t time or if you want to find out what e-books are all about. I sent in three stories even though I knew nothing about e-books. I knew what they were of course, downloaded books for a reader either hand held or on your computer. You can store dozens in the space in the space of one paperback if you backed them all up. They got started in the late 90’s and now there are multitudes of e-publishers out there. Did I mention they accepted those three stories? Did I mention they’ve accepted six more since? I have books in a variety of versions to accommodate the variety of readers that have come about. A buyer only has to find a book they like, go to the checkout and tell the publisher which version they want to download, html, doc, rtf and or pdf. Some of the most popular reader programs are Adobe Acrobat e-Book Reader, Microsoft Reader, tk3 Reader, PDF Reader, Mobipocket Reader, eRocket, Peanut Reader, Palm Reader. For information on the above, MindLikeWater.com has links to the various options.

The end of traditional books some claimed, but they soon found that some people still prefer the idea of curling up with a book and not a computer screen. So there were e-books out there that lost out on a whole audience, but the idea for Print on Demand took hold with e-publishers. They had the formatting for the book, covers, and all. The best was it didn’t take lots of money tied up in stock. The format sits with the printer until an order come in, then he pulls out a file and prints out a single book if need be. All those books that traditional publishers put out that never sell end up recycled in various ways or at most are a tax write-off, there are no storage costs, and less paper is wasted too. It takes a little time, sometimes a few days, sometimes a couple of weeks.

I’m not going to theorize if print on demand (POD) will lead to the downfall of the traditional publisher either. I, personally, don’t think it will. For instance, I just can’t see all those people that line up in costumes for a release of a Harry Potter book ever wanting to give up that experience. I, myself, like browsing a bookstore probably more than the average next guy and used bookstores beware. However, as rural areas loose out on small business like bookstores, there’s a niche to fill. Sure, there’s Amazon and Barnes and Noble online, but you can’t browse and take everything in. Give them a word and you get thousands of books to wade through that may have nothing to do with what you want.

How many times have you gone into a bookstore and come out with something you never thought you would read just because it caught your eye? With many e-publishers, they recreate the feel of going into an actual bookstore. Diskus and the newly opened DDPstore have new release covers jumbled, cookbooks next to romances, next to poetry and science fiction. The older titles are arranged by genre, from there you can browse. Browsing is back without downloading page after page. The blurb isn’t lost among ads and forms to fill out. Like picking up a book and reading the jacket, there’s nothing to distract you but the next book. Isn’t that the best part?

As in traditional publishing, there are genre publishers as well. Science Fiction being heavily represented, as are romances. I might have stories that leaned that way once upon a time, but I thought it was a fluke when a story was accepted as a romance. That one was out of print for a time, but it got me thinking and a new publisher for it. Titan Press is the mainstream side of erotic Venus Press. Okay, okay, not so long ago I wouldn’t have ever said I wrote romances but I found out romance sells. (Hush, keep this quiet but sex even more) So a couple months after it came out, I had another story that I pitched to a different publisher. You know how I said I write historical? Well, it was a time travel and it was too short. Can you double it and we’ll look at it? When Egyptian Nights came out in October from Linden Bay Romance, I suddenly have a Recommended Read. I go and chat at sites and people know me because of that book. It’s kind of nice I have to say. That was 2005. I had nine books come out.

All those stories I have that rather leaned the way of romance but not really well, I made them lean further and submitted them to all over the place. May 2006 and I already have twelve books coming out for the year and one into 2007. Digital Pulp Publishing put out a western romance I wrote called The Wolf Within, one of my many versions of the novel that I wrote from that series I didn’t like. They are also taking a different approach. Besides putting out books of their own, they are also going to all those small publishers and allowing them to join the e-book realm by putting out e-versions of their print titles. Not to mention a free cookbook I made up with recipes from all those historical periods I write about. All those little publishing houses that put out a few titles a year can now sell e-book versions of their titles without getting expensive software, or setting up an online download center.

Remember how I said I never would admit I wrote romance. Well, I have ten out or coming and it’s not the chaste kiss sort of thing. Did I just admit that?? Thousands of people a day visit web romance publishers, Venus Press alone has an average of 40,000 and I swear I saw one quote as many as 60,000 people every day. This from a company that just started up a year ago. I have four coming out with them. Romance at Heart has had 189,000 visitors since 2004. I have two out with them. One of my babies, a story I wrote about the colonial period in Kenya, is coming from Chippewa publishing. Did I mention I was in the Peace Corps and lived there for two years? Oh yeah and Midnight Showcase took one for a digest of theirs and a short for a line called Romps. With another handful of stories submitted, I’m sure that list will just keep growing too.

If you are really into browsing, like in a bookstore though, you have that option. www.fictionwise.com is the mother ship of e-books. If they are sold off the publisher’s website, they will be there. Mobipocket is another and there are many more and yes, even Amazon has an e-book division. It was a proud day when one of my titles was there. I have a book at Amazon!! Oh yeah and Digital Pulp Publishing I mentioned has a store growing every day. Many of these sites have bookshelves as they are called. If your computer crashes and you loose all those books you paid for, you can log in and download them all again instead of having to store them all in backup yourself.

This is not self-publishing or vanity publishing. All of these companies offer royalties from 35 to 50%. Try getting that from a traditional publisher, with print royalties often being 10% if not 7%. The difference is obvious. You get editors to make it the best it can be, you get marketing, you get into online bookstores, but wait isn’t that starting to sound like a traditional publisher? The final product is the same thing after all; the only difference is how it gets to your hands.

My novel will be submitted to traditional publishers. I mean 105,000 words, that’s a lot to read on a computer screen. I plan to put out many of my stories as e-books though. Yes, there could be that prestige that comes from having them in some little literary journal. Maybe one day I’ll actually write something they would want and for the principle of the thing, I would send it to them again just to see if they would take it. When it comes down to it though a journal with a few hundred readers compared with how many copies I can sell all across the country . . . hey the internet is involved how many can I sell around the world there isn’t much contest for most of what I write. Besides, as I say on my website, I can travel history without leaving my chair and that is the whole point when I write. In that regard, I am still a closet writer, writing just to see if I can make something better than that series of books each time.

At the time of writing, Jennifer Mueller is a 23 time e-published author as well as other pieces published on-line and in print. For more information on Jennifer, and to keep up on her latest releases visit her at JenniferMuellerBooks.com.

“Bloody hell! She writes erotica!” That’s what I heard from the first person I told I was going to be published.

Before then, no one knew about my writing. My secret life, and my inner world, were about to be exposed. When I met my soon-to-be editor at a restaurant in midtown Manhattan, I wore a purple feather boa. I bought the boa to wear when I sat at my computer to write. Somehow, it helped me unlock the inner room where I stored all of my erotic treasures. Wearing that boa in public for the first time externalized my sense of coming out of the closet. Now, only a short year later, erotic romance is a national phenomenon.

The surge in the genre has been widely reported by the media, and has captured the eyes and the imaginations of many romance readers who are ready for more. My emerging from the shadows as an erotic romance author is not that different from what is happening to romance readers. Women are sexual beings, we always have been. The romance novel is a place where women find a safe haven for their secret desires. The gratification that happens by living vicariously though another’s story helps many women cope with the more mundane aspects of their lives.

The escape factor of a romance novel seems to grow proportionally with the heat in the book. As the novels became edgier, women became bolder. They wanted to ride the wave of a more titillating story. The tingles were more intense, and the climax quite satisfying. Women looked for romance novels with more of a bite, because they wanted the stories they were reading to carry them farther than traditional romance had. When erotic romance sales began to climb, publishers noticed, Kensington Publishing being one of them. They launched their Aphrodisia erotic romance line and I became an Aphrodisia author. I write sexually explicit stories for myself. My imagination conjures fantasies, which come alive in my mind. The fantasy grows into a story, with plot, characters and lots of sex. The pleasure of writing the story, and living through the characters, gives me the same rush as reading it.

Readers of erotic romance want to explore their long hidden sensual feelings just as I want to explore mine. As with all things that push the envelope of traditional standards, not everyone is ready for this new explicitness in romance. Some of the detractors say it has gone too far, others have even called it smut. But no one can deny that erotic romance has hit mainstream society. When women find out what I do, they are eager to buy the books. From my personal experience, the enthusiasm about my writing continues to surprise me. From college age to middle age, from a neighborhood Chinese restaurant, from my doctor’s office to bookstore cashiers, from my friends and family, everyone I know wants to read these erotic books. It is as if mainstream acceptance has legitimized the genre and women have been given permission to read erotica openly.

So, ladies, if you are feeling like you want to add some panache to your life, buy yourself a feather boa and an erotic romance. Just remember, it’s not about the boa.

P.F. Kozak, author of Passion, and Sins and Secrets, invites you to learn more about the sizzle and steam of erotic romance at her Web site http://www.pfkozak.com